Well I know I have not been on here for a long while but a lot have things have been going on. My grandmother is on Hospice, I am getting ready to have wrist surgery and not sure about the rest of my family.
I get to thinking about so much of my past and I don't understand why the child abuse happened to me, then there was the attempted rape that happen to me when I was in Jr. High school. Church had just let out and the kids were getting on the church van to go home, I was sitting in the back with my boyfriend Dustin when he started acting weird, next thing I know I have my knees to my chest, bent, and he was on top of me. I told him to get off I don't know how many times. He should have understood that I didn't want to but he didn't. I was able to get him off of me and get off the van. I confronted him about it years later and he said he never tried to rape me. I know he did cause I saw his face looking at me as I was screaming for him to get off of me. I guess he realized what he did at that time back when we were in school and didn't push again. I know I should have left but he was the first boyfriend I had that gave me butterflies, I was happy. Not long after that I broke up with him cause he kissed another girl. She knew he had a girlfriend. She came to me and told me that he kissed her, I have never known someone to do that. I was pissed but not at her, maybe I should have been but when she had the guts to come tell me about it, she gained my respect. When I got home that night I wrote a nasty letter to him, asking him how could he do that to me and what did I do to deserve cheated on. I got a call after he got the letter and I gave him an ear full about how what he did made me feel. It was like he ignored me, like I was a ghost and my words did count. I went to church the next Sunday and he was there, he wanted to talk to me so we went outside to talk, I asked him why he kissed someone else when he had a girlfriend, and he said to me he did it cause I wouldn't kiss him. I told him I never kissed anyone before and I was scared, I wanted my first kiss to be a moment that would never fade. I loved this guy and I wanted to make him happy but I was scared to kiss him and he not like it. I finally kissed him and surprise he didn't leave me. The problem was after that he kept asking me to have sex with him cause he wanted his first time to be with me, I on the other hand didn't want my first time to be in his room in his parents house with the band The Doors playing. I know it has been so long ago but it feels like it was yesterday that he and I were together. I know that I have grown and am a wonderful mother but do get to miss him? I should have known he was trouble when I had people telling to forget Dustin and stay with Chris Cline. I dumped Chris for Dustin and I wonder to this day if I would still be with Chris Cline. He was so wonderful to me, he never pushed me into anything, he didn't kiss me till I was ready. I miss him, my brother liked him but Chris I think was scared of being hurt by my brother if he hurt me. Years passed and I got married twice, but that never kept me from thinking about Chris Cline. Am I crazy to miss him since I moved on? Let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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